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Do not be sidetracked by the apparent strength or power expressed by an inner self. The higher the level of dramatic, intense or polarised energy being projected by a self, the stronger the likelihood that what the inner self is really doing is trying to distract attention away from a high level of vulnerability in that person. If an underlying core belief has been triggered, drama and intensity offer one of the best ways of keeping it from being seen by either the person feeling vulnerable or by others.
The more extreme or unbalanced the energy, actions or words, the more the self is sounding like an angry or controlling parent (Big Daddy or Big Mummy) or is expressing extreme certainty or superior knowledge (the ‘knower’) the more this points to the presence of high vulnerability in that person, at that very moment.
High Intensity suggests that somewhere inside, a self is desperately attempting to cope with increasing vulnerability or helping distract attention from some aspect of reality that cannot be faced at the present time.
When in this state a self may use a cannon, a crucifix or rapid setting concrete (blocking something by walling it up in the cellar). Sometimes you just have a more general sense of rising intensity in yourself or the other person, as though someone is over-
Cannons or crucifixes or over revving or concreting
Though most common with stronger or more empowered selves, (the big guns) drama and high intensity can also be found in the theatrical suffering of weaker or disempowered selves like ‘poor me’, the ‘martyr’ (crucified), the bird with the broken wing, the dramatic opera player and similar selves that overplay the victim role.
On the other hand someone may appear to be too calm and controlled, to the point where you suspect they are blocking their emotions. This is just a polar opposite form of intensity because far from being shut down their selves are actually intensely busy mixing loads of fast setting emotion blocking concrete to shut down feelings or keep them walled up in the cellar.
Less powerful selves that are busy making deals, or setting up any kind of ‘conditional’ relationship warranty can also work very dramatically with lots of energy to convince the other person to accept the opposite side of the contract (the pay-
This explains how some lesser selves can be described as controlling or even pseudo-
If there is drama in the air or if you can feel high intensity (whether it is coming from a stronger or more empowered or weaker self) the main point is to recognise if this is a sign that somewhere inside a self is operating as a way of coping with increased vulnerability or in a desperate attempt to avoid facing some aspect of reality that the individual needs to avoid for the moment.
Be aware also, that if the intensity is in you is really strong, other people cannot help feeling the impact. Your selves may think you are feeling intensity 'very quietly' but even though they may try to hide it there are clues about intensity that other people can't help noticing. A basic aspect of most inner selves is the way they project our energy and attention outwards towards other people. When our selves rev up our intensity it is impossible for other people not to feel it consciously or unconsciously.
Coping with high intensity in others
Understanding and dealing with a self in high intensity is never easy for those on the receiving end. You may try to be ‘friendly’, but your unspoken messages (coming from your selves) will be too powerful not to create feelings of discomfort which will in turn restrict communication between you and have a negative effect on a relationship. For a start, the intensity and drama is more than likely to trigger their own selves into a counter intensity, leading to a negative bonding pattern. The more you are in a committed state with the other person, the more likely this is to happen.
The secret is to work from within your aware adult. This will allow you to see that the intensity and energy in the other person (their cannon, their crucifix or their wet concrete) is telling you three very important things about that person at the present time:
1 They are experiencing feelings of extreme vulnerability, though they may not be able to see this as well as you can.
2. Forcing them to face reality (awareness) at this time is not going to help them. The very purpose of their intensity is to keep this awareness from happening.
3. The self creating the intensity is younger rather than older in emotional age
Recognising this becomes easier as you develop adult boundaries and learn to keep yourself out of the enmeshment trap. It also reminds you to keep away from well meaning attempts to ‘help’ the person by bringing them back into a more aware situation. They are not yet ready for this.
How does it end?
After a while the signs of excessive energy abate. Lower levels of drama or energetic intensity may mean that vulnerability levels are lower, or on the other hand it could be a sign that the weaker or disempowered selves have gone into compliant surrender to keep out of trouble. At this point, another self like the ‘peace-
However, if the previously intense person is really able to move away from their adapted inner selves, you, and they too, will be able to feel a more balanced non polarised, non judgemental energy.
Another easily observed example of true low intensity is a quiet yet positive state, called adult humility. This state differs from ‘normal’ humility in that while it is low in intensity but definitely not disempowered. This is a grown-
A person in this state:
recognises that he or she sometimes makes mistakes and is able to own this openly
is aware that feeling intensely sure they are ‘right’ suggests they are in a polarised state and under the control of a stronger or more empowered self (and feeling vulnerable too!)
recognises all the above as indicators suggesting that they might well be a bit out of touch with reality and therefore somewhere less than ‘accurate’ in any position they might take about anyone being ‘right’ or ‘wrong’
is ready to accept positive adult feedback from others and consider other options and alternate realities
looks for ways to fix actual mistakes or make amends, rather than defend what their inner self has done
These are all good signs that the aware adult (and perhaps some of the integrated or solid selves) are in charge. The grown-
Cannons and crucifixes, revving the motor or concreting the cellar
The greater the drama or intensity the deeper the vulnerability hidden behind the drama